I don’t want much. I just want the sky and the earth and the space between. I want someone to want me. Wholly, completely, captivatingly. The tiny crevices and the raw bones. I want my poetry to slide in and out of someone’s spine. I want connection. I want raw soul on soul on soul on soul. I want magic. I want to feel respected. I want someone to walk through this life with me in awe and wonder at the blazing earth around us. I want adventure. Romance. Fire. I want to be more than what I am now, just someone’s wife. I want silence and space and recognition. Recognition of what I am, of what I am doing, of what I have created and what I will continue to create. I want to be viewed as a whole human being with needs and desires that range and vary. I want it to be understood that I have a complex array of relationships and networks of people that all find ways of fulfilling me. And that all of those relationships must be respected in their own right. And that to be a full person, I have many facets and many edges and many people that work towards satisfying what it is to interact in a world full of people. I want someone who gives a shit about my pleasure. I want someone who recognizes that motherhood is a full time job. That it is powerful, important, empowering…and creating the world we walk into. I want far fewer power struggles, far less competition, and far more recognition that each person in a relationship has something to contribute, endless worlds in their minds and ways to grow, to adapt, to transform. That neither one can be better at any given time – measuring one human against another is absolute nonsense. It all balances, it all balances, it all balances out in the end. I want to share. Thoughts, interests, passions. To have that genuine give and take. To have genuine communication. To have compromise. For someone to reflect, think it over, and apologize. For someone to hold my hand through pregnancy, birth, and a baby, and not hold layers upon layers of resentment, competition and jealousy. I want someone to try. Just a little. To meet my level. To not be threatened. To not need to tear me down just to stand over me. To not be so threatened by my capabilities that they want to make me submissive and quaint and simple.
I don’t need diamonds, jewelry, material things. I don’t need any of the trite and neat bows of a surface level relationship. I just want to feel connected. Truly, deeply.
I want something real. I want someone to love me on and off the pedestal. Take me down from the high shelf, dust me off, see me as I am and understand that life is complex and rich and thick with a thousand different angles. And at the same time, keep the dream alive. Keep the magic alive. Explore this wild and whimsical world with me. Take my hand and walk beside me. Not above, below, or inside out or perpendicular to me. Just walk with me. Be present and respond to what I am giving you. As simple as that. Be here.
To take in the sky, watch the world spin on an axis, and open each other’s secret worlds. I promise, I promise…I am sure, so sure…that I could love beyond reason. Beyond doubt. With fervor and mystery and faith and a ball of fire in my eyes. I keep this dream in my heart. I could love the way they sing songs. I could do it. I just need someone to reach out and grab the hand I am holding out. Endlessly, endlessly. Meet me where I am. Take my heart in your hands and say yes to the world. Make magic with me.